Past and present sharing

So one of the most basic concepts of marriage is sharing. You share a life, a home, a bed, your free time... And, drumroll please, your body (4th grade me lemme hear ya say yuck!).

You are this little part of something much bigger and better than you could ever be on your own. When it comes to year #1 in marriages, I've heard it all: "it's easy! I don't know what everyone is talking about when they say the first year of marriage is SO hard!" or "this is so much harder than I ever anticipated..."

In three long months, we've run the gamut. We've done a lot of living in such a short period of time - things came up that we didn't expect and before we've even celebrated an anniversary we're waist high in medical bills and career changes. I've become an overly emotional wench who cries at the drop of a hat and has overly dramatic responses to just about everything (hopefully due to the pill that I just stopped taking) and Angel is a man and wants to touch my boobs while I cook heavy meals of meat and carbs all day. We're not huge fans of each other on a consistent minute by minute basis. But we share a small space and more importantly, a life and commitment to one another. 

There are times when it feels like marriage was the easiest decision I ever made. It's amazing to know someone is going to stick it out with you through anything and everything. It's so much fun knowing you have your best friend to do big and little life things with. 

I've learned sharing can be really hard and really easy; but I think that the hardest thing to share with each other is history. The way you were affects everything about the way you are. The people you knew, the decisions you made, the traditions you observed - they all affect the way you want things to go or be. Angel & I have absolutely nothing in common with our backgrounds, cultures, or the way we were raised. We anticipated this to be an obstacle - but there's no way to fully prepare for how that will affect the both of you on a daily basis or during the holiday season or for birthdays. 

So, I cry sometimes and he gets mad sometimes and we always figure it out with time and conversation. It's not easy work, but it's worth it work. Hallelujah, holy S.

*I know there's at least one of you wondering (because at least one of you has asked), "what's the purpose in posting such personal stuff about your marriage?" And here's what I'll say to that: I've never not let my writing convey incredibly intimate details about my struggles, feelings, triumphs, and failures. In the ten years (this year!) I've had this blog, I've worked through family issues, school, dating, having a broken heart, figuring out friendships, moving to New York City, doubting God, sadness and happiness galore. And for the times I've gotten emails or messages of gratitude for such blatant honesty - encouraging that person to navigate their struggle differently or to write, I've made a commitment to myself to let this always be an outlet for such transparency and growth. When I write, it helps me - when I share, it has helped others.