let's talk for a minute about being sad. it's ok. there are times when it gets a little weird and we need to figure things out a little harder or better or longer or something, but we'll talk about that later. i'm 24 years old, live in new york city, have a gorgeous albeit weirdly laid out apartment, a sexy ass husband, an amazing family, and... i feel sad.
i love living life in anticipation. even though i never felt entirely preoccupied with the "happily ever after" notion, i still wasn't fully aware of how many times i would see a proposal scene or wedding dress and subconsciously think, "hopefully someday that will be me!"
i felt a tinge of this loss last year after my husband proposed. there was a very real disappointment amongst the ecstasy and i don't think i accepted it or as my sister-in-law would say, "let myself have those feelings...". i was never going to be proposed to again. i said "YES!" and never looked back and i see my sweet husband and am filled with so much pride and joy over my choice, yet... there is a definite sense of let down knowing that will never get to happen again.
so then came the wedding beast. it consumed me. the anticipation of all my family coming alone was so great, but then to think of the dancing, the fun, the food, the way things would look... my dad walking me down the aisle, seeing angel at the end of it... all of the things i imagined for years were going to happen and it never felt real. then it was done. we left the venue and it felt so surreal. it was the happiest and saddest i had ever felt in my life. the tension was overwhelming and i literally couldn't stop crying.
our honeymoon was fantastic and fun and i wish i could have our honeymoon every month, but let's get real - it's a rollercoaster! angel was so patient with me. i would laugh so hard and then five minutes later would feel like curling into a ball of sadness. i left all my family and friends in my favorite city and didn't even get to help clean up after the biggest mess i've ever left. but on the other hand, i was with my favorite person in the world drinking starbucks in our bed and eating so much good steak. talk about a dramatic swing of the emotional pendulum.
we've been married a couple months and i'm accepting the sadness because the only other thing to do with sadness is sweep it under the rug and that never really does much good, does it? i love my husband. i love our life together. i'm sad we'll never get a repeat of our proposal, our wedding, our honeymoon - but i'm so grateful & happy that those things happened.
because now we're married and... there's much to be anticipated.
i love living life in anticipation. even though i never felt entirely preoccupied with the "happily ever after" notion, i still wasn't fully aware of how many times i would see a proposal scene or wedding dress and subconsciously think, "hopefully someday that will be me!"
i felt a tinge of this loss last year after my husband proposed. there was a very real disappointment amongst the ecstasy and i don't think i accepted it or as my sister-in-law would say, "let myself have those feelings...". i was never going to be proposed to again. i said "YES!" and never looked back and i see my sweet husband and am filled with so much pride and joy over my choice, yet... there is a definite sense of let down knowing that will never get to happen again.
so then came the wedding beast. it consumed me. the anticipation of all my family coming alone was so great, but then to think of the dancing, the fun, the food, the way things would look... my dad walking me down the aisle, seeing angel at the end of it... all of the things i imagined for years were going to happen and it never felt real. then it was done. we left the venue and it felt so surreal. it was the happiest and saddest i had ever felt in my life. the tension was overwhelming and i literally couldn't stop crying.
our honeymoon was fantastic and fun and i wish i could have our honeymoon every month, but let's get real - it's a rollercoaster! angel was so patient with me. i would laugh so hard and then five minutes later would feel like curling into a ball of sadness. i left all my family and friends in my favorite city and didn't even get to help clean up after the biggest mess i've ever left. but on the other hand, i was with my favorite person in the world drinking starbucks in our bed and eating so much good steak. talk about a dramatic swing of the emotional pendulum.
we've been married a couple months and i'm accepting the sadness because the only other thing to do with sadness is sweep it under the rug and that never really does much good, does it? i love my husband. i love our life together. i'm sad we'll never get a repeat of our proposal, our wedding, our honeymoon - but i'm so grateful & happy that those things happened.
because now we're married and... there's much to be anticipated.
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