What we have because of what we lost

My fiancé suggested I do this Brennan Manning devotional through the Bible App - he knows me well. My dad has raised us to love Brennan Manning; so much that he got all of us kids signed copies of Brennan's book, "The Importance of Being Foolish". 

    "To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives—the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections—that requires hard spiritual work. Still, we are only grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to this present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God." - Brennan Manning.

Often times I flip through experiences in my life thus far and it's very easy to try and skip over the less desirable seasons and highlight the grand finales. It's not fun to get dumped by a dope but it's fun to be proposed to by the best fit for you and one wouldn't have happened without the other. And that's a theme in many of our lives - you lose the apartment/job/"love of your life" to make way for truer versions of these.

I'm coming up from the lowest/most challenging season of my life. It was hard in ways I did and did not expect. I cried a lot and my relationships suffered. Not even a week out of it, I'm seeing ways in which this over-the-top sucky summer has benefited me and my almost marriage. This is the quickest turnaround God has ever offered.

I'm prone to anxiety over situations I can and cannot control. I buy into the theology that God is amidst the beautifully orchestrated and desperately hopeless seasons in our lives (if we choose to let him be). 

I believe that when I feel overwhelmed, scattered, confused - God is God: an immovable, unphased help source. It's easy to make beeline prayers in times of need or frustration, but it takes more thought to make the same beeline when we're overcome with gladness & peace. 

God is so patient with us. Part of being in a relationship with someone is learning the intriquisies of their reactions - to everything really. When I do/say _____, he will respond by _____. It's a driving force in your choices as a person who has decided to be a part of a relationship. A constant care and awareness that your decisions affect more than just yourself. 

I want to be simultaneously aware of God's sovereignty and humanness. When I think of him as all powerful, I don't fully comprehend the ways in which I can hurt him. He feels removed from me and those conversations quickly turn into beeline prayers. 

Oh that I would find balance in my gratitude and views of God.