a couple years ago i watched an interview with nora ephron. she was talking about her obsession with making her films reminiscent of jane austen novels and she quotes austen saying, "all love stories end at the moment of the engagement."
we do this thing where we want to skip the process for the end. i do that thing. i get wrapped up in the excitement of my addiction to planning and anticipation that i have to consciously remind myself to be present. to dwell in the now and not the later.
when we're single we want to be dating and when we're dating we want to be engaged and when we're engaged we want to be married and when we're married we think - what the hell comes next? i just spent the last ten years of my life in a whirlwind of anticipation and planning and now i'm stuck in a situation i wasn't present in to begin with.
books, movies, our imaginations... it's the CHASE and then: black screen. next thing you know bob and judy are walking down the aisle and then the credits roll because we want to see the end. we want to skip the process.
oftentimes the process isn't what we're willing to see others through either. we love being there for the big stuff, but the small stuff seems boring and insignificant. we love a grand party but hate when our friend calls us at 2am to say her husband was looking at porn and so now what happens?
i want to be the kind of girl who's present in the process. i want to answer the phone at 2am. i want to potty train theo. i want to sit on the couch with my boyfriend while he watches football without traversing in my mind to what my finger will look like once he puts the ring on it.
but to do that i have to crush my "right now" monster that seems to dominate sometimes. i have to wipe up the pee on the floor and lose an hour of sleep and watch the football game. i have to watch my friends and family do things and say things that make me cringe out of embarrassment. but all of that is important.
and important things seem good.
we do this thing where we want to skip the process for the end. i do that thing. i get wrapped up in the excitement of my addiction to planning and anticipation that i have to consciously remind myself to be present. to dwell in the now and not the later.
when we're single we want to be dating and when we're dating we want to be engaged and when we're engaged we want to be married and when we're married we think - what the hell comes next? i just spent the last ten years of my life in a whirlwind of anticipation and planning and now i'm stuck in a situation i wasn't present in to begin with.
books, movies, our imaginations... it's the CHASE and then: black screen. next thing you know bob and judy are walking down the aisle and then the credits roll because we want to see the end. we want to skip the process.
oftentimes the process isn't what we're willing to see others through either. we love being there for the big stuff, but the small stuff seems boring and insignificant. we love a grand party but hate when our friend calls us at 2am to say her husband was looking at porn and so now what happens?
i want to be the kind of girl who's present in the process. i want to answer the phone at 2am. i want to potty train theo. i want to sit on the couch with my boyfriend while he watches football without traversing in my mind to what my finger will look like once he puts the ring on it.
but to do that i have to crush my "right now" monster that seems to dominate sometimes. i have to wipe up the pee on the floor and lose an hour of sleep and watch the football game. i have to watch my friends and family do things and say things that make me cringe out of embarrassment. but all of that is important.
and important things seem good.
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