redemption is refreshing.

i've always been frustrated with the fact that i feel like i can write way better than i can talk. i'm so bad at talking. and i'm especially bad at praying. i get so distracted. i'll try to use times in the car by myself, or while i'm at the Y to just pray... but i end up thinking about something totally random, or i get so off track... then i'll think that maybe i started thinking about that person or thing for a reason, so i try to pray for them/it - but then i get distracted all over again and i'm back at square one.

after realizing that the prayer aspect of my relationship with God was supremely lacking due to my inherent ability to actually pray aloud to him, i decided to start writing out all of my prayers. it's been like this for a couple years, and i can say that my prayer life has greatly benefited from doing this.

one of the benefits of writing out my prayers is to be able to go back and look at what was on my heart at that particular time. what was pressing enough for me to really want to pray for that issue. or what i was so grateful for that i wanted to stop and write to Jesus about how much i loved that he did that, or gave mt that.

this morning, i flipped back to september. one day i wrote, 'you are worth every tear, Lord. your will for us is worth every bout of pain we are experiencing.'

i needed to read that. i needed to be reminded of my commitment to the Father. i needed to be reminded that redemption, in all of its messy ways that it's presented to us, is refreshing. i needed to be reminded that Jesus is worth every tear.

and tears are not something that free flow from these eyes people. i don't water the grass with every tom hanks/meg ryan kiss.

yes... he's that worth it.