long after

i can't help but wonder how much of our lives are spent in apathetic anticipation of what is to come.

like, you don't care what's coming, but you want to know what it's going to be.

i talk a lot about how i want to make an impact. how i want to live a life of difference, as opposed to indifference. one that will continue to live, long after my last breath is taken.

"the greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." - william james.

and then i wonder how much of my life is spent in anxious anticipation. so curious about what is coming, that i have no clue how to react to what is hitting me at the moment.

"may you who live in tension, find tenderness, and in tenderness the tendency to kindness. and the creativity of a caring character. may peace be yours." - gerard kelly.

soon, i hope to find peace. peace in my now. for peace will contain everything i'm looking for on my way to find it.