not one for men in uniform

i must admit that although i remember this day ten years ago very clearly - i have never devoted much time to thinking about it. it was something that didn't affect me personally and unfortunately that's the way a lot of people feel about a lot of tragedies. i remember feeling sick the day of the earthquake in haiti, because i knew people who died, and was affected very personally in that i love the country and the people dearly. but others carried on with their days as if nothing had happened.

well september eleventh comes with a very different feeling when you live in manhattan. you hear stories from people who you know and it starts to feel extra real and sad. this morning i saw many decorated fire fighters from all over the country... seattle (represent!), santa clara, palm beach... it was so cool to see these guys everywhere.

i hear these stories of people just barely escaping death, or having commute trouble that morning and missing out on all the danger that awaited them at their office or around their work/home. i wonder how after ten years, they cannot believe with all of their souls that they are here for a purpose. that they were rescued for a reason. that they are called to more than a 9-5 job and an elite party on the weekend.

but alas this is my every day experience here... constantly surrounded by a sea of meaningless hook-ups, pursuit of the almighty dollar, fashion's night out, men in black outfits whose goal in life is to take a picture of a movie star eating a burger.

noah and the whale (who, if you have the chance to ever see live - i would highly suggest doing so) says it so well in their song 'peaceful the world lays me down': (pardon their french)

Oh, and if you don't believe in God,
How can you believe in love?
When we're all just matter that will one day scatter,
When peaceful the world lays us down.
Oh, and finding love is a matter of luck,
Oh, and unsettled lovers move from fuck to fuck.
Oh, and compare their achievements like discussing bereavements
And compare their abrasions with romantic quotations,
Oh, as peaceful, the world watches down.

so how do i keep from being unintentional in my day-to-day? how do i preserve my heart from the stale conformity that is the misunderstanding of the gospel message?

i feel like i have some good ideas... but what do you think?