think i'll be a nun.

so saturday morning i went for a little jog in craig and kara's semi-new neighborhood (meaning the new place is only four blocks away from the old one - but it feels a good bit different). i was loving the weather and the busy sidewalks and the parks and the endless opportunities for something (employment, relationships, peace, chaos...) that many other cities just can't offer.

on my way back i just couldn't help but feel this temporary freedom that i've honestly never felt before. i looked all around me and felt that everything was at my finger tips, even though deep down inside i knew i had an accepted loan to go to an already-registered-for semester at a school that i don't want to go to, a city that i feel does not belong to me in any way, and a general knowledge that it is "smart" for me to stay committed to all of the aforementioned.

this freedom was strange feeling. good in that i am at an age and time and relationship status in my life where i could literally do anything i want to, but a bit sucky in that in that i am at an age and time and relationship status in my life where i could do anything i want to!

if you know anything about me and my plan, you probably know that it did not involve solitude in the sense that i would now be considering a commitment to celibacy (you know - just to beat God to the punch in an effort to feel less undesirable and a little more unapproachable). and since i had grown accustomed to being un-single for a while, it is fun to be young but my plans did not involve the "un" being taken off of "un-single".

this is my fifth time to new york this year, and unfortunately i can say that it never gets easy to be reminded of failed dreams, messed up plans, or memories. however, few cities have enough other stuff going on for it to encourage you in hope and opportunity. there is literally life all over - and even in the presence of tiny kitchens and depleting bank accounts, there is a freedom that i find to be highly attractive.

so i now raise my craig-bought vintage goblet high in the air to celebrate said freedom. then i'll go do anything i want to. because i'm in new york, and i can.