BS goals

so a while back, my eldest brother brad started this family tradition of making individual goals and discussing them as a family annually at christmas time. each year included this dreaded day (for me at least) where i would say the b.s. goals i made last year out loud and then would proceed to make new b.s. goals that i could "anticipate" sharing the next year.

well this tradition ended about two years ago, when brad saw the movie 'bucket list', and he then issued a new decree for us to each make bucket lists of our own. i have a long list of things i want to do - most of them include the word "husband" so i've faced the probability that the chances a movie being based on my achieved bucket list items is a far fetched ideal.

anyways, one of the things on my list was to journal every single day for a year. every single day. no forgiveness, because then that would make the 'every single day' part untrue.

well on january first i began this 'every single day' endeavor. and through sleet and snow, vacations, a wedding, confusion, nineteen credit hours, and a job - i somehow carved out time to journal every single day. until july 2nd. no special day. i can't think of anything that happens on july 2nd. no birthdays, anniversaries. i actually just pulled up my calendar to see if anything was going on that was out of the ordinary - and nothing was. it was a friday. i hung out with my friends. and on july 3rd i woke up, picked up my journal and my heart stopped for a second. i had missed a day. i made it seven freaking months and missed it on a normal friday. this may not seem like a big deal to you - but i was halfway to my goal and boom - it was ruined.

i just finished that journal today. i had started it right at last year, and it was a pretty thick one and i could write on both sides of the pages. i loved this journal. not as much as this shakespeare one that i received for as a highschool graduation present a few years ago - but it was good. this journal has seen a lot over the past year. i literally spoke to Jesus every day for seven months in it. and before then, it was pretty consistent as well (just not EVERY DAY consisten).

from about july 3rd to july 17th i got lazy. i thought - what the heck. i already failed my goal - why start over so soon? perhaps i could change my goal to be "journal every single day for seven months."

ok but seriously - have you ever felt that way about God? like... ok, we have this good thing going and then one day you just feel like he really botches it up for you. and you think - let me figure out how i can arrange what i felt like i wanted to happen, with how this actually turned out. and maybe it's a whole month of feeling like God just really can't even stand the sight of you. and that's why the DMV line is so long, and you feel fat for three weeks, and you can't get your classes registered for, and you are breaking out on your forehead, and you don't have any cool jeans...

it's easy for me to think - i'm gonna take a break because he's CLEARLY taking a break from caring about me! but there's something about faithfulness that is really beautiful. and as i was flipping through this prayer journal, just looking at the places i've been in my walk with God over the last year - i would say that most repeated thank you's to Jesus was for being so faithful, despite my great unfaithfulness.

so here's to you, day eighteen of 'journal every single day for a year'. hopefully another lame friday won't get in the way of our success.