Next best version, anticipation + deflation

I have a consistent issue with post-anticipation. My dad always says there are two modes in life: anticipation and reflection. If I'm being honest, reflection feels like a very idealistic word for what I feel like could be described more as deflation. Or let down. 

I get so so so excited and then so so so bummed. My biggest bout with post-anticipation blues was about a year ago after my wedding ended. I had so much anticipation and couldn't believe that this huge experience in my life was actually happening and then bam - it hit me like a ton of bricks when it was over. Even on our wedding night, staying in this amazing hotel room gifted to us at the Greenwich Hotel, I felt the sadness creeping in. It lingered on our honeymoon - that feeling of, "this is going to be over soon..." Sometimes I feel unable to push it away, and what really kills me is I can't stand when other people do it! I think I've become skilled in the art of masking; switching the channel in my brain to one that tells me to enjoy and soak instead of lament and sulk. 

 

But my feelings of dread lurk. They're waiting for me when I get back home, hug someone goodbye, or take down our Christmas tree. 

When I pull back and look at how a year typically progresses in my life - I think about how many things I have to look forward to. Yet somehow the ending of these things seems to greatly affect my anticipation for their beginnings. How do I be an enjoy-the-now person who is also goal oriented and focusing on the next better version of myself (Joy 3)?

This next better version of myself is a concept Bob Goff spoke with my family about while we were in Hawaii celebrating my parents' 40th anniversary. Bob and his wife Maria came to hang with our family and renew my parents' vows at sunset with all of us kids and our spouses and the grandkids. It was such an incredibly moving time and even though I was ugly crying through most of it, I was once again inspired by the legacy or love and commitment my parents' have lived out and encouraged in each of their kids.

As Bob spoke about the things he hopes to see in Bob 6, we thought about the things we wanted to see in our next versions. He said that while you think of the next version of yourself (which is just the next decade you will enter - 30 is my next decade, so my next version is Joy 3), you also hold hands with your eight year old self - filled with whimsy and wonder, not regarding the opinions of others as much as just holding onto an enjoyment & excitement for life. The idea being that these two versions of yourself will meld beautifully into this really whole person who is enjoying life deeply, yet consistently extending grace towards themselves while also considering how we could do things better with each go around the calendar. 

This has been helping me shift my viewpoint on pretty much everything, but particularly helps me in this context of deflation following anticipation. Joy 3 loosens the reigns on the deflation emotion and embraces meaningful reflection.