We're in transition mode. I'm in between jobs, because we're in between decisions, because we're driven by passions. It's a somewhat compromising domino effect that I expect to continue to be apart of our forever commitment to each other and our marriage.
The last day of my nannying job was Friday and my new job doesn't start until Thursday. So, I am in endorphin pumped, home cooked meal, laundry done, and drawer organization mode. My excitement over waking up with nothing particular to do would dwindle in about seven days according to my calculations. With all this time to tend and mend and fix (name that movie) also comes an ample amount of mind wandering.
Guys I was all wrapped up in what I did. I helped raise these two outstanding kids for four years (since the oldest was 3 months) and now that that season has come to a close, I'm having to fully and painfully admit that I found a large amount of my value and purpose in my job. I put all of me into those kids. Someone I usually only see when I'm with the kids saw me on the train without them and said, "I didn't even recognize you without the kids!" And I felt a hollowness in the realization that I'm trying to recognize who I am without them as well.
I found such purpose in contributing to the well being of two little lives. The conversations centered around generosity, kindness, confidence, and humor that we had on a daily basis had become so engrained in my dealings with everyone that catching falling drinks and reminding people to say thank you are now just a part of the Joy package.
I'm moving back into the business administration world which has nothing to do with forever wet with bath water sleeves or school pick ups, and I am 100% terrified I'll be horrible at it - like I've forgotten how to interact with adults in slacks. Somehow I'm more comfortable explaining the adoption process to a three year old than I am scheduling a dinner for a group of businessmen.
I know this is right and good and healthy for moving forward, but change is scary and sometimes sort of heartbreaking. I keep asking where I fit into my own life, my marriage, my relationships, my family... And now, I'll have to relearn where I fit in with my job.
Here's what I will say: get married young. I can't imagine doing all of this without Angel. I can't imagine being on my own track with laser focus on my individual goals and not sharing his dreams. Is it tough to figure out how our passions can coexist and still pay the bills? Hell yeah. But it's such worth it work. And I'm not petting any cats, counting my money, trying to figure out how a man could fit into my world. We're figuring out what change looks like together and for that... Thank you, God.
1 comment:
😊
Post a Comment