home is where you make it

the most beautiful sunset i.have.ever.seen. greece - how dare you.

well guys, once again my job has taken me somewhere stunningly beautiful. as always, i'm learning and growing in the process and like i told my sister-in-law before i left - i had a hunch that a little soul searching would take place. indeed, it has begun. God this is nerdy.

ever since i was really little, i've gotten home sick. it just happens. i never wanted to do sleepovers. i never cared much for leaving unless i was with someone that seemed enough apart of me. it's been a weird ebb and flow - i had a weird controlling boyfriend that made me feel like leaving wasn't an option, so after that i felt like a travel junkie. but now that i live in new york - it's an ache. a knowledge that i have made my apartment a home. i worked hard for what's within its walls. i've worked hard to create community outside of them.

i travel a good bit in my line of work, and i almost always really enjoy my time away. but the leaving is what gets me. oh God does it get me. it starts with the first hug goodbye (this time kara's fault) and gets progressively worse. i look at my boyfriend with that lump in my throat. he sees me and says, "alright - let's get these dishes done and then you can cry away." he knows it always happens this way. it's how i leave. and then i'm in the cab on the FDR and look back and see the four projects that stand tall and mark my hood. i see the bridge. our bridge. and i start feeling far away - achy for home and all that and who it entails.

so here's the deal. home is where you make it. and that means where you physically live, but mostly - where you love. my job is to help out with two of the most incredible little people you'll ever meet. i don't have to fill any voids - because they aren't there. they're over-the-top loved, cared for, laughed with, etc.. i'm just extra. and i like that my title is being a bonus to a family that already knows what it means to love & live generously and beyond their means/what they've been given.

i left on sunday and i'll be home a week from today. and even though i'd love to be crawling into my bed sometime after watching an SVU with my family and the most handsome guy i know, i like where i am. i like that i have people to miss. i like that i have a home to want. and i like that all those people and things don't define me.

home - check.