RSR

every day i hang out with two of of these little people that steal so much of my heart energy. there will always be something inside of me that wants to protect them and my nieces and nephew. when i can see they're about to trip and fall, my initial reaction is to run over and protect them. and if i don't see it happen, my reaction is to hug and kiss it all better. 

my brother mark is known for being a tough guy. he's strong. he's always been that way. even the way i picture him in my memories as a kid... just, muscles. he's ten years older than me and now he's married and has two kids. those kids are TOUGH. we met up in the ATL to visit my parents last fall and their kids ran into each other and i kind of gasped at the sound of their heads just clanking together. mark said, "shush! tell them, 'BOOM!'" sure enough he did that and their initial reactions switched from, "i hate you for hurting me." to "that was AWESOME!" i thought that was funny and so... mark. but i also know it doesn't always work that way. sometimes stuff just really hurts.

frederick beuchner said:

here is the world. beautiful and terrible things will happen. don't be afraid.

in their own way, i feel like my parents told us that. they have six kids who are all very different, and some of us are more willing to take risks than others. but we all have our reasons for why we are the way we are and our stories are all connected and intertwined.

as much as i want to protect ava, landy, miro, theo, and georgie from ever getting hurt - i also know that that's how they learn. if you pull up on something that isn't steady, you'll fall. i see it so much in georgie now (she's almost one). she knows what "no" means. she gets it. but there's that normal part of her that wants to test everything. and this is how she's learning. and i can only protect her and hope she makes good choices so much. i can redirect, but there's going to come a day where she makes those choices independently and i can't intervene. and her parents can't intervene. and it will be her, making decisions. guys, i'm not even a parent - and this is what i think about.

i look back on all the seasons my brothers and i have been in. i think - holy cow, my parents are saints. they knew a better way and despite their efforts to let us know it, we still veered off that road. and we always will. because that's how we learn.

a couple years ago i was getting really stressed about moving, etc... theo and georgie's mom texted me and said, "don't stress, it's all going to happen." i think about that every single time i worry about something. because it rings true, no matter the situation. beautiful or terrible, it's all going to happen. i still stress, but i feel grounded when i think, "it's all going to happen." there's something comforting about the fact that monday turns into tuesday and tuesday turns into wednesday and me stressing about something isn't going to contribute to any sort of imbalance in the universe.

encourage people to risk, to struggle... and then to embrace the reward.