being vs. doing and jenga

have you ever watched one of those 60 minutes episodes about a company or person who practiced a different discipline and experienced radical growth? i have because i'm tim abare's daughter and brad abare's sister and not only saw it happen in my family but also was privy to those sunday night activities - the kind that involved leslie stall interviewing people about what that discipline was.

loving Jesus is different than knowing who he is and pursuing what his heart for you is. so the front side of my time thinking i was in a relationship with him was mostly spent doing a lot of... you know, i can actually just stop at doing. because doing doesn't really resonate with Jesus. but being does. so for the last three years i've been learning how to be.

letting go, surrendering - these are the things you don't like to think about when your relationship with Jesus is at a point of disconnect. or, this may be your point of disconnect. it was mine. and my life was sort of like a jenga game while i tried to figure out what it was that was leaving me feeling stagnate as opposed to renewed. jenga never lasts for very long. you either win or lose, not that hard.

you're not any less in love with someone if you give them up. you're not any less dedicated to your job if you're willing to leave it. so i spend a lot of my mornings each week saying, "God you can have all of it. i love my life. i love my family. i love my boyfriend. i love my job. but they're all things you've given me and without them i'm not... less. lead me."

the difference this makes in my heart and in the every day of my life is... gigantic. and i have work to do all the time. and that work will continue as i lay in my bed, palms open, singing, "i surrender... all to you... all to you... for the promise of new life."

just be.