space making

you've heard me talk about kelly a good bit on here. she's a middle school art teacher in our neighborhood and lets me come in from time to time to hang with the kids. this week we shared this painting thing i like to do with them and then gave them some tools and said, "go."

inspired by this "home" painting, they did amazing things.

i like painting with this technique because it reminds me about making time and filling in blank spaces. henri nouwen said that, "discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up.... that somewhere you're not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied." and that, "in the spiritual life, the word 'discipline' means 'the effort to create some space in which God can act.'"

so this is my operating system. my lens. always trying to make sure not everything is filled up. this sometimes means people have to hear the answer "no". my boyfriend and i are opposites on this. he loves telling people yes, and in turn, making them happy. he can almost always follow through, but when he isn't able - it sucks. basically we disappoint people on different ends. mine's on the front side, his the back (sometimes).

and sometimes it can seem selfish. i think it over again and again before i respond with a, "i need to just not make plans for that day/morning/night." but i also know that i am a better version of myself when i have some blank spaces in my week. spaces to be filled with writing, painting, music, Jesus, TV... anything.

i also think it's really important to allow understanding in the areas of your relationships where this doesn't make sense to you. the way i shut down may be different than the way you do, and that's ok. just keep pushing things out of the way for some space.

maybe i like space because i come from a family of eight. or maybe i just like it, don't worry about it. let's just make some room for each other.