painting by numbers is not fo' me

i've always loved the sound my guitar makes when i slide from one chord to the next, but i've also always had a "thing" about change. figure that one out.

transition has always made me anxious. i didn't even like it when my family would rearrange things in the pantry, so you can imagine how i felt each time we moved cities or when i realized everything i'd been working towards in school felt like a waste when i decided teaching wasn't the right gig for me anymore.

the last few years of my life have been a breeding ground for every type of change imaginable. i've got new friends (and old ones), new family members (and old ones), a new city, a new home, a new relationship, a new church, a new job, a new community, a new passion (and old ones), a new _____ (you name it, i've probably got a new one - unless you name a car or a disease, those i don't have).

if there's one thing (there are about a million things) you become hyper-aware of while being around babies all the time, it's that fact that humans change significantly every day. we wake up a different person than we were yesterday, because of the interactions we've had since then. good or bad, big or small - we're ever evolving, constantly growing or holding ourselves back.

and despite my usual disdain for change and it's faculties, i've been head over heels in love with this season in my life. i can't imagine not having any of my new's. they are each life-giving, fun, and messy reminders of who God is and who i am to call myself His.

what made the difference for me? creative prayer. after you get your heart smashed by anything or anyone, you start figuring out you need to shake things up a little bit. in my case, i needed to pray creatively. asking God to be an integral part in my decision making, heart pouring, and people loving. i'm always learning more about this, but at the core of my being i now know that asking an incredibly creative God to be limited to our small-mindedness is preposterous and robbing him of the generosity he is so very full of. so i write things, paint things, sing things, and strum things to the tune of God's artistic qualities that far outnumber my own.

and i love it. and the winds of change it brings. even if the peanut butter is where the vanilla is supposed to go.