easy math

there's a book i'm reading by a guy i think i want to be exactly like, not when i grow up, but right now. my dad got to spend some time with him and verifies - he's legit. it's called "love does" by bob goff. go and git yurself a copy. go'n, do it!

somewhere in the book he just says, "words launch us." (i'm not going to give you a junior high youth group speech on how words can be harmful or helpful - you do this math, it's not hard)

that is something that shot like a pang in my heart because lately my guy and i have been having a tug of war over this issue. i love crackin' jokes, ya'll. and while i don't feel like they're always at someone else's expense, i do know that i come from a family where we can really dish it up sarcastic style and sometimes that includes making fun of other people. of course there's always the lines i won't cross, etc... and i don't ever make commentary while also judging that person or thinking about their feelings or ANYthing like that. it is purely to get a laugh. from myself and the people around me. and it always does. it doesn't help that i'm naturally drawn to these types of people (the joke making type) and i just end up getting on this merry go 'round of laughter that i don't really wanna call quits on. even if i'm throwing up all over some people.

so yeah, i love doing that. and it sucks. but my boytoy hates it. he doesn't treat me like a jerk when it happens. he doesn't say, "NONO!" (i'd dump him). he doesn't "shoot me a look". he just tells me later when it's just us that it bothers him and isn't a good representation of the person i really am.

ugh. i'd almost rather him just yell at me so i could be pissed and brush it off and continue on my merry road of joke-cracking. but when we have a real conversation about it, it reminds me of all the conversations my mom used to have with us about it. but in a less disciplinary, more - "i like who you really are so you should represent that person the best you can" way.

isn't it funny how when God puts someone in your life, he wants to make them really different from you? i think the worst kind of church to walk in on is one where every person looks/acts the same. or is the same age. God's hands are different than his feet, and his feet are different than his legs, and his legs are different than his arms, and so on. how can we be the body of Jesus when we're all trying to be the arms?

i always talk about how much i love opposites. like how God is a bulging body-builder when i feel like a caterpillar. and when he is my sunny day at the park with your best friends and some fried chicken and lemonade (i went to black church growing up, it's ok), and i feel like a rainy tuesday after a three day weekend.

but i really love when he says, "here, i'll give you someone to have a relationship with, but i'm going to make him dress really different, talk really different, and come from a totally different background than you maybe ever expected." me: "ok, that's not that big of a deal." God: "haha, i know. but there's more. i'm gonna make him really strong in all of the areas you're not, so that you can actually learn and grow and be challenged by him in meaningful ways that i care about." me: "oh, you're really good." God: "i know."