two tickets to the gun show

lately i've been thinking a lot about pain - past, present, future, physical, emotional... maybe this is because i was just able to spend time with my dad in kansas city for a wedding and his knee is causing him excruciating pain. i hate to see him in such misery. he is actually getting knee replacement surgery tomorrow, so if you think to pray for him (or even if you don't) - please do. and pray for my mom too as she will be the one catering to his every need over the next... who are we kidding? she's been doing that since 1975!

waiting for the train today i saw a guy wearing a shirt that said, 'pain is weakness leaving your body.' what a great quote. i immediately thought of my dad, but i also thought of many people going through heartbreak or experiencing deep pain in any sense of the word. i so remember that period in my life - and it sucked. but knowing now that that specific weakness is gone, i now understand the great reality that if i were to ever go through something like it again - i could definitely manage. more gracefully even. i could overcome, because i have overcome.

i overcame with the very thing that brought me so low down to the ground - love. as josh garrels sing, 'love never dies, it will hold on more fierce than graves.' one of those loves did die - which obviously has always begged the question of whether or not it was real. and sure - i think it was. it was just a different kind of love. the kind that does have an expiration date.

however i am really liking the kind of love that doesn't have one. i've had a ton of visitors in the past month and nearly each one has wanted to do one of my favorite new york things to do - the brooklyn bridge. craig introduced me to this night time wonder years ago and ever since i have been in love. now i can go at any time of day and just bask in the awesomeness of this city and this point in my life. each time i have taken a minute to look over the manhattan skyline and over and over i get tears in my eyes thinking of what my life would have been like without that weakness leaving my body. i shudder to think of all that i would be missing out on if i wouldn't have experienced what i thought was hell.

isaiah 30:15 (the message) says, '... your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me - the very thing you've been unwilling to do.'

go ahead and feel my muscles.