me or them?

upon moving to the south, i began to meet more and more people who were heavily involved in more "spirit led" movements. i am not sure if it has been the way that i was raised, or if i had come to these semi-conclusions on my own - but for some reason, certain aspects of these affiliations have not sat well with me. i have felt that if anything, these people/organizations were "feelings-based" and in turn, i listened to dreams, stories, and prophecies with a high amount of skepticism and at most times (unfortunately, albeit honestly) cynicism.

i've struggled back and forth between wondering who is right or wrong - me or them? who loves Jesus more - me or them? who has more evidence of a living breathing relationship with Jesus - me or them? and most of the time i've come to the conclusion that these individuals i'm referring to seem to have great walks with God, that i have some serious checks in my spirit when certain stories are brought up, and that we both love Jesus.

i read a quote today from NT wright that i found pretty enlightening: "part of the problem in contemporary christianity is that talk about the freedom of the Spirit, about the grace which sweeps us off our feet and heals and transforms our lives, has been taken over surreptitiously by a kind of low-grade romanticism... generating the assumption that the more spiritual you are, the less you need to think."

i am of the opinion that as a spirit filled christian, in certain groups, i am expected to pray aloud and speak in tongues and explain my dreams and so on and so forth. for me, this is as scary as a red tract with clip art on the front. i loathe the pressure to be publicly vulnerable and i listen with caution when people are tossing around the "God told me so" line or any variations of the phrase.

however, in all of this - there is a part of these people that i envy. their boldness and confidence, although sometimes inappropriate and far from being Biblically sound, are attributes of a person who really does trust the Lord.

so i'm pretty sure i've landed somewhere in the middle... i do not believe that love and trust are based on feelings. just like in any relationship, you can't just operate from the gooey mushiness or the red hot anger that is venting from your h-e-a-r-t. you'd be an emotional basket case in need of some serious therapy. i know that if the last nine months were filled with me acting off of every feelings whim, i'm pretty sure i'd be sitting in bed eating brownies all day crying. i'm doing great, because i have not just operated from the feelings portion of my body... it has taken conscious effort to get to a place of wholeness and wellness.

love and trust in the Lord is as needy for intellect as it is for faith (well maybe it needs like three tons of faith and a couple tons for intellect - or maybe i have no idea what the H i'm saying and that i just basically think it's important to think). think... think before you say, "God told me so." think - is this going to make me look stupid if this doesn't happen the way i said God said it would? but more importantly, think how it will make God look.. are people going to want to trust me or the Lord no matter how this situation pans out?

i truly believe that the more spiritual you are, if grounded in the Bible, the more you need to think. i'm so thankful to have a dad that pushes me to think about things and not participate in a relationship with the Lord that is based solely on feelings.


i do pray that whatever denomination, whatever way you feel or think, and whatever opinion you are of - that you never, ever cheapen the God of love for a low-grade romanticism. amen.