aunt joy

so here's the deal...

a nice little drive on mother's day... in the car with dad, mom, and paul. mark and jamie (brother that got married at the beginning of march) call mom and say happy mother's day. they then proceed to tell her that next year they will be able to say, 'happy GRANDmother's day!' my mom, of course, tells them that if they are joking it's not funny - but much to our delight, they were not joking.

yes folks it's true - i am going to be an aunt.

here's the other deal...

i don't usually get really emotional (the crying kind - i used to, but not so much anymore) about things that are not death or feel like death. sure i cried when i left for haiti. and sure i cried like a baby when jud had made me that wood plank/picture/words piece.

but i cannot even describe the feeling that overcame me when i found out that my brother was a legitimate baby daddy and that sweet jamie is carrying my sweet little niece or nephew.

tears started to well up in my eyes and i felt excitement, adventure, pride - and i don't even know what else. i mean, i have always been excited for the moment one of my brothers would announce that they impregnated a girl (within the context of a committed marital relationship all you judging-me-right-now weirdos). but this - this was unlike any other feeling i've ever anticipated.

and much like the situation of not being able to fully relay to you how i felt upon hearing the news, i also cannot describe to you the love i have for this baby already. my heart has felt full of love before - but this is a specific kind of love. i loved the breathless feeling of being in love and not being able to describe that particular kind of love. but this is different... i really love this feeling of desiring the best for this wee one so much. this sweet baby already has me wrapped around his or her finger and i haven't even seen him/her yet.

i am leaving for new york tomorrow and although i am financially not in a position to do anything of the sort, i am terrified i'm going to come back with all of harold square for this little tot.

can't wait to hold this little bundle that is going to be born into so much love. oh gees december can't come soon enough.