all around me

it's amazing how much you can remove yourself from the world around you.

i watched that movie blood diamond tonight. it was intriguing, terrifying, compelling, and for me ... convicting.

since i've gotten back from haiti, i've found myself trying to numb any pains i might feel for the people or the situations i saw they were in, simply because there's nothing i can do here for them, but pray. which, if i'm being completely honest, doesn't feel like the best i can...

and the frustrating thing is i don't even know what the "best that i can" is...

i do know that blood diamond made me kinda never want to wear a diamond on any part of my body. i know that there were nights in haiti that i would cry myself to sleep because of the desperation in the humid nights, wrapping itself around me. i know there were times i would see a naked child sitting on the streetside, waiting for someone to throw hope to him in the form of a piece of candy. and i know that every tuesday morning, there's a classroom full of kids here in charlotte, longing for attention, encouragment...

and yet i still find myself doing the aforementioned... numbing.

sometimes i think that if i can just ignore the thoughts of my little friends in haiti not being fed, i'll feel like i did before i went ... fine ... ignorant.

and igorance is such bliss when it comes to facing the realities of prejudice, hunger, death, shame...

the list goes on and on, but my numbing shall not.