My new name.

It's a lot of work to make a name for yourself. And I mean that literally and figuratively - LIKE REALLY AMERICAN AIRLINES YOU NEED TO SEE MY MARRIAGE LICENSE TO GIVE ME MY MILES?!

For my entire life (until 6 months ago) I have been Joy Abare. Abare is an identity packed name. I actually just introduced myself to someone a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't until I said, "Joy León (blink blink...)... I used to be Joy Abare..." that the guy chimed in and said, "Ooooh my gosh yes! Tim is your dad!" Our family never really was good at sliding under the radar - there are eight of us and I can't say any of us are super quiet or un-opinionated. The Abares. It just sounds so comforting and fuzzy.


Then I got hitched and took my husband's last name, losing Abare. And I actually had to grieve that. It sounds so dramatic, but I really loved being apart of something that was cool and funny and fun by default. I am proud to have Abare blood. It's reliable and recognized. And even though I am still apart of my family and a last name change doesn't simply remove that connection or identity, it's still sad in a way to not introduce myself as "Joy Abare".


It takes so much work to find your identity as an individual, but somehow finding it as a couple seems harder and easier at the same time. You aren't trying to do it alone anymore. And while you could argue that interjecting another opinion and background can just complicate things and that is valid, you can also see that having a helper is holy & beautiful. I've got a partner in every aspect of life and there's something to be said for making a commitment to be available and accessible for the rest of your days. Sometimes it's exhausting and you start to imagine yourself on a beach, alone, with zero days spent fully working on communication. Nice for a day but then come on! We're not called to live alone.


So I'm joining in this - our family name. I'm figuring out how to work more as apart of a team. I'm learning that "submission" looks a lot less creepy when you read all of Ephesians five and not every guy you've ever met is an egotistical asshole. And you know what? It's fun to walk into our home together - and see him elbows deep in a meal saying, "this is actually really fun to do for you!" I'll be a León any day.

I married a León. I fell in love with Angel and he fell in love with me despite our vastly different backgrounds. He is actually the only León in his family that we know of; Dominicans have a way of being siblings and still not even sharing the same last name. I was excited to join him in making his name as fierce as it sounds (our last name is LION in Spanish in case you never got on the Rosetta Stone train that left in 2008 and never came back). I imagine us sort of populating (yes, I just said that) his/my new name and helping him feel like he is apart of something too. It's fun to join him in whatever making a name entails.

We are called to be joiners (with caution). It's why we as women sort of pass over the thoughts of our body growing rapidly and then experiencing the pain of trying to push a baby out or being cut open for Junior to arrive. We focus on what it will be like to have a "complete" family - to join something we helped to create. It's why some people who have been burned over and over again stick with church (I'm not the example on this front but that's another talk for another day) and are apart of a body of servitude and generosity. Because it feels important to join in what God is doing through his body all over the world.