i'll even read it if i don't get a seat

my mom got be a book that a friend of my dad's wrote. it's called more or less and it is wrecking the lens i look through.

this book is about "learning to live a life of excessive generosity". while there are so many things in the book that i feel like i've already adopted or made a natural routine that is the overflow of my relationship with God + others, i still find that i change the meaning of words to fit my very western style of living. i use the word need instead of want. i change conveniences into necessities. and so these are the things that i'm grappling with now. 

i've written often about the very strange and wonderful experience that is living in new york city, manhattan, specifically. a constant tug of war between the world's most powerful people and some of the weakest. any commute, you could be sitting in between an investment banker and a single mom in her mcdonalds uniform with her toddler in her lap. i'll tell you - this tension feels exhausting and exhilarating. 

i live in a neighborhood called washington heights - in manhattan. i live in a comfortable apartment, with what i would consider to be pretty nice things (i like them at least!). my fiance was born and raised fifteen blocks south and an avenue east of me in the projects by a single mother of three. so as we navigate through all of the financial, wedding registry, how many bedrooms do we need questions - our upbringings start to surface. while his mom was a good provider, they had what they needed to get by with a little help from their community and other resources. while my dad was a good provider, i oftentimes i had more than what i needed and i would even say most of what i wanted. 

can i tell you how much i wholeheartedly disagree with every social ideal that says we need to marry within our tax bracket and race? this is a struggle i want. i want pushback on every "thing" i think i "need". i want the pendulum to swing and for us to really work together to identify what our needs are versus what our wants are. i want to be reminded to be a little more creative when i walk into my kitchen and say, "there's nothing to eat!" 

i don't need someone who is going to support or add to my tendency to buy things i just want. i need someone who loves others the way i want to love others. i want someone who models this excessive generosity in his life by giving away what he has. granted, this may not be the kind of person you're interested in. i wouldn't want my socioeconomic opposite if he was just broke and didn't have a heart of generosity or a love for other people that is in line with every way Jesus calls us to be generous... but that's my story, and i love it. even though it's hard.