making sure i'm listening

i live in two neighborhoods, i love in two neighborhoods, but i only love one neighborhood.

monday through friday i spend my days in a neighborhood called noho. it's block away from being soho. and i like it. i've been working in that community for over two years and i feel really blessed that i get to be present in two neighborhoods in this gigantic city. i like going to jamba juice and them knowing my drink and thinking my name is julie. i like being chums with the doormen. i like knowing all my peeps in whole foods and getting to know more about their stories. i love the look of shock on their faces when someone is interested in them.

and then i get off the A train in the heights and i feel an overwhelming sense of "home." i love doing all the same things i do downtown, but here i feel commitment. jon tyson said, "priority. proximity. permanence. three non-negotiable commitments for urban community. so few truly buy in."

i'm pushing all my chips in. i have been for the past few years. but the conversation gets tough when you feel planted and like God's confirming each day - but what happens if God wants me to leave? i guess the safety of home is like the safety of anything else... like relationships and things. being afraid to break up because it's comfortable where you are and you don't want to hurt anyone, including numero uno.

i guess i'm never through learning about surrender. God's never going to stop talking to me, but i can stop listening anytime i want.

i don't want.