i can't remember what magazine i was reading towards the end of 2012, but there was an article on my beloved nora ephron who passed away last year. they quoted her famous commencement address to the 1996 class of wellesley:
above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.
sweet nora. if only she could climb into the heads and hearts of every twenty-something girl who needs a good talking to. including myself.
when your heart gets all banged up, you're just searching around for outlets to make things hurt less. to feel accepted by someone is the goal, and to seem beautiful to everyone is a bonus. we start trading ideals we've always had and settle becomes a really popular, unpronounced word we make king. we all feel like miss gladys in midnight train to georgia when she says, "i'd rather live in his world, than live without him in mine."
it takes a while to figure out who and what is going to help you not feel like that word you've always associated with the 40+ single women in your church: desperate.
let me tell you, the church will hug you and slap you in the face at the same time during this process. because if it weren't for that conservative christian upbringing, you wouldn't feel desperate at the age of twenty. your mom and her friends were the only ones who had husbands and babies by the age of twenty-three when it was socially acceptable. the real world still considers you an ass in your early twenties. and the real world is right.
but then there's going to be some people who will just listen to you talk and say, "alright." and that "alright" is laced with peace, patience, and a belief that this isn't the end of your love life/life at all. soon you start to adopt the "alright" spirit. you figure out that being a victim is 0% fun and 0% purposeful.
here's what is fun*: being single. liking someone. liking no one. dating someone. being young. being old. being in the middle. living.
*fun dependent upon your ability to live without someone else telling you your worth it, not take orders from anyone, and not ignore the things you love for someone else who probably doesn't love you.
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