easier said than done.

lately i've been thinking about expectations & assumptions and trust & love. i finished reading love does and cried through the last chapter. in the book, bob said (on page 136 to be specific): "you don't need to know everything when you're with someone you trust."

recently, a friend of mine found some thing's on her boyfriend's phone after she was "snooping" that devastated her and rocked the foundation of trust they'd been building for the last year. she called me the night it happened crying and asking what to do. my initial take was that the trust wasn't fully present if she even had the inclination to snoop in the first place. my next take was that if the guy was running a completely above-board operation, he wouldn't have gotten so defensive and secretive.

when trust is lacking or missing in a relationship, it's so easy to ride the waves of insecurity and let that dirty mistress of a devil on our shoulder call the shots and we end up hurting ourselves and the ones we love. when trust is oozing, the "love believes the best" mentality soaks up all the "i'm not enough" "what's he doing when i'm not looking?" thoughts and you're able to let the reigns go and live out this really beautiful picture of who God is, who he made us to be, and what he designs us to experience with each other.


love. ah. it's so gritty and wonderful. awful and beautiful. terrifying and worth it. but the only way you can be open to it is with your fists down and eyes shut. but our human-ness starts to kick in every once in a while, so you inch those fists up in defense and start to open your eyes super wide - searching for reasons why you shouldn't be letting this happen. and here's what i say:

let it all happen. all of the times i've been hurt by a boy or a girl have only made me understand more about the nature of God, humans, and mostly myself. when you're really broken and know you can't stay (nor do you want to) that way - you start working over time to get to know yourself.

so love & maybe be screwed (hehehe - why?).

live and figure out who you are. who God is.

and then... trust.