what i've learned carrying a phone with a cheetah case

back story: about a month ago i was really, really sick and hopped a cab to go to my house. one of the times i opened my eyes, i happened to look at the floor on the left hand side and there was an iphone 4S. i didn't want to tell the driver, because well, happy birthday driver. and i was already too far from the lower east side precinct to turn it in where it made sense. it had a passcode on it, so i couldn't just try and call someone to tell their friend their phone was missing. we exhausted our options... cops, apple store, etc... everyone kept saying finder's keepers. i needed a new case badly and hate dropping $50 on one, so i snatched it right off of there - cheetah print and all. then gave the phone to my boyfriend to sell (shameless plug: so if anyone wants to buy a verizon iphone 4S, holla at me).

let me start out by saying i'm the girl that assumes a lot based off of the patterns someone wears. you see animal print, i see high maintenance. you see tight leather, i see rebellious youth turned misguided adult stuck in the mid-nineties. you see overalls with one strap off the shoulder, i see incredible.

everyone who knows me, knows i would never choose a cheetah case. and leave it to me to try and suck some deeper meaning out of a ridiculous accessory. but really, i feel like i've learned a lot about myself and securities and insecurities and it's let me see other things in a different light. i feel crazy even typing this.

so i'll be sitting on the train, trying to adjust my phone on top of my bag juuuust the right way so that no one can see the case, and therefore assume what i assume about people with animal print and then i catch myself being ridiculous and think - screw this. what do i even care about people assuming things about me? and then i analyze myself. WHY do i care? WHY?

i care, because i judge. bad feeling, ya'll. if i didn't assume things about other people, i wouldn't be so preoccupied with them assuming things about me. there's a level of caring what people assume that i think is healthy. like not walking around town with your boobs hanging out and people assuming you're easy like a sunday morning. but i have friends that wear different things than i would ever wear, and i'm not friends with them because they made the cut. heck, i date someone who has gauges.

i know a guy who has hardly any teeth and his general persona would lead me to believe that he does his share of drugs and women. but really he is a medical intern at a gigantic hospital, loves Jesus, and is also battling leukemia - which is why he lost his teeth. but if i would have seen him on the street, i would have assumed a lot based on his looks.

i hate that we do this. i hate that i can walk with my white guy friends and no one cares. but if i'm walking with my dominican guy friends, cops will make eye contact with me and nod their heads in a "are you ok?" way that makes me want to say "GET A JOB".

think of all the people who wouldn't have been healed if Jesus would've had a dress code. think of all the people you wouldn't be growing from and laughing with if you filtered them through a system of shallow measurements that included size or clothes or hair.

well, in the words of one of my favorites (the lumineers) "only love can dig you out of this."