you are not:

who says it's not helpful to think of all the things you are not? (a slave, disloyal, bound, judged...)

how cliche of me to use any lyrics from mumford and sons, but i'm not cool enough to think they're not fun to listen to. or to write about some of the great lyrics they have.

Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

recently my new york bestie did a reiki session with me (she's a yoga teacher) and i today i was trying to describe to her the weird state of awake dreaming i was in. in my awake dream, i pictured myself inside my heart. my heart was a big hole and i was at the bottom of it (think: well) and i was trying to get out of it. people kept coming to where i could see them at the top and either spitting in the hole (my heart) and kicking dirt into it, or throwing ropes down or jumping in themselves to help me out. i saw very clear faces of the spitters and dirt kickers and then very clearly i saw the faces of those trying to help me. it was really interesting. and this all sounds very dharma (of dharma & gregg) of me, but i can't help how fascinating and cool i found it.

it was so much fun to think about the people who have helped me and then think about how i've sort of weed whacked the spitters and dirt kickers out already. almost a reminder or a pat on the back, if you will, saying, "yes - you are surrounding yourself with just the right peeps."

i know i'm not the only one who's been tricked into thinking good feelings are good love. i think about the all the different versions of love that have surfaced in my life, and there have definitely been some nasty versions. the kinds that told me what i wanted to hear, made me laugh, even felt good and purposeful - but were actually enslaving because they weren't giving me the freedom to be who i was created to be.

it's incredibly liberating to live the way you feel like God breathed life into you for.

'“the doors will open wide for you.”
It was said just like it was the truth,
If we walk right through...' - sleeping at last (resolve)