lounge chairs

i'm reading a book now that brad and jamaica left for me called, 'tattoos on the heart', but the guy (gregory boyle) who is responsible for homeboy and homegirl industries in LA (by the by, if you're ever in LA and want a great place to eat that supports a great cause - check out homegirl cafe in chinatown/downtown LA. it is delicious and has a cool atmosphere). the purpose of homeboy/homegirl industries is to give jobs to ex gang-bangers, and essentially a way to make a new life for them and their families. it's really awesome what is going on there - and the book is so far, so good.

i'm still in the beginning part, but boyle quotes beldon lane: "divine love is incessantly restless until it turns all woundedness into health, all deformity into beauty, and all embarrassment into laughter."

i had to read that so many times to really let it fully sink in and mean something to me, but boy did it ever mean something to me when i let it simmer...

today i was lying on a lounge chair on top of a roof deck overlooking manhattan, while holding what started as a job and has turned into little love affair named theo, and staring up at the bright blue sky with even brighter white clouds that were rushing all over the place as if they had somewhere they had to be.

there i was - all the miracles of creation surrounding me. theo and i just lied there looking up at that sky and i just couldn't help but feel enveloped by a God who has been 'incessantly restless' in my story. i immediately had flashbacks of pain on top of pain, on top of broken heart, on top of pain - and all of it seemed so tiny and insignificant (yet entirely SIGnificant) in the grand scheme of where my life is now.

there's always room to grow, but i am basking in all of the woundedness that has become health, all the deformity that has become beauty, and all of the embarrassment that has become laughter.