dangerous safety

lately i've been entirely preoccupied with my future. which becomes a sticky situation for me because i feel a tiny bit guilty for not participating wholly in the present, but at the same time, want to feel reassuring excitement and peace at all times about the numerous upcoming changes that this next year will bring.

moving has rarely been put in a good light for me. typically an ugly fluorescent light shines on it and i dread walking through the motions. but this move is different... this move is my choice. my dream. my city. when i walk on the streets of new york i feel confident, gutsy, challenged, ready... every time i see a movie with new york city as its open, i get butterflies in my stomach knowing that that beautiful skyline will be my home.

last week was the annual viewing of 'little women'. such a great movie. every time i watch it, i pretend that i'm jo. she is a writer and she's brave and tough. in one of the scenes where the march sisters are acting out a story that jo had written, jo says, "first rule of writing is never write what you know."

i think part of the reason i'm excited about this move, is that i am finally passionate about the unknown. i'm in this dangerous position of trusting the safety of God's love and pursuit of me.

for so long it was "God bless this thing that i have going on already..." and, "God don't take me this place..." my prayers are being written and asked to a different tune. one of a passion for adventure, mystery, and a God that knows little about the mundane and everything about the uncomfortable nature of his calling.

there are some days when i wonder why God has worked the way he has worked. but most days are filled with the knowledge that he has it figured out so much better than i do.

"we long for more and God's promise is that there is more awaiting us. more to delight us than we will ever exhaust." - c.s. lewis