shuffle

'is this lifetime supposed to be only about duty?' - elizabeth gilbert

i had quite the little drive to do today and i turned good ole' katie herzig on shuffle and let it run. i don't usually like shuffle. i like to be in control, so i usually start up on a specific song and stay close in case i want to change it. but katie -- oh katie. she is always a safe bet. i can turn katie on shuffle and never be disappointed in what my little ipod chooses for me.

yesterday i made a decision - a big one - that kind of turned shuffle on my life. and like katie herzig shuffle, nothing is really a bad choice. i could pretty much do anything or go anywhere... happy freedom right?

right and wrong. freedom is an entirely awesome, yet slightly terrifying state to live in. but hell, i'm movin' there and the weather is great with a only a hint of nausea and self-inflicted worry!

it's fun for me to have the "where to next?" mentality. but i know there's still a lot of pain to deal with. so like my prayer has been for the last year, may it continue to be that God test my heart and know my every anxious thought. i want to make sure that the decisions i make are not out of pain or regret, but out of an excitement for the places God will take me despite the pain my past has included.

one of my all time favorite katie herzig songs says:

jenny lynn, i wish i had your thin skin
i wish that i could let the love right in
maybe i’d rather feel the pain
‘cause freedom is
a naked heart that always dares to give
a willingness to let the tenderness
be taken as it may

so here's to you, new home. here's to hoping that i will come in with my guard down - but up too. here's to coming in with a heart undressed. and here's to the freedom i'll find. wherever i go.