new.

six months ago me and that boy up there ended our three year relationship. i thought he was going to be my husband. yesterday i started a new blog on tumblr (pretty awesome website that makes me feel like i live in a world lacking so much coolness). as i started that new little part of my internet life and thought about what my first blog would be, i thought about all of the other things that i’ve started brand new - without him. life has been weird sans jud, but man have i experienced grace in every sense of the word. for me, this grace has been something tangible. my heart hurt so bad, that i literally felt like i couldn’t breathe. but here i am, not just breathing - but thriving. i love my life. i love my friends. i love the freedom that comes with not feeling like i have to… feel. i love being able to look at this picture and think, “that was so much fun, and that love was really real - but that is not now.” i am so truly happy that i wish i could live for a while - live for just a while in front of every person whose heart is hurting so deeply that they feel hope is something as far gone as their lost love. i don’t want to say, “it will be ok” or “this is God’s will” to them, i just want to live - because truly living was really all i wanted to see from someone whose heart had been broken. i am back now, and gosh i love it.