liz and lyds

"this is a good sign, having a broken heart. it means we have tried something." elizabeth gilbert.

i have found that having a broken heart, as terrible and terrifying as it feels, is actually the quarter shining out of the pile of lint and gum wrappers i pulled from my pocket.

i can actually do something with a quarter. i can do stuff with lint and gum wrappers too, but those scenarios usually just end up getting me the evil eye in a church service - or an open door after a fresh poop in the jack and jill bathroom attached to my room.

as many times as i've regretted the way i've handled myself in just about every situation that i've been included in over the past couple years, i've also realized that there's no changing what happened. my dear friend and pen pal of four years wrote me a letter today. she said she doesn't want me to try and go back and get who i was, but to focus on who i am right now. she said that i am joy bethany abare and that there is always grace for me.

i've been exhausting myself trying to figure out how to get back to who i was - and there has been significant growth because of that. however, i believe i've also stunted the growth of me right now with wishful thinking.

i am so grateful to have people in my life that will choose fight over flight. i am so grateful for people who will stick it out with me. i am just... grateful.

maybe her tattoo is for the flightless owl of wisdom.