pride

i'm starting to get just plain frustrated at my inability to write.

it seems like i'll have a million ideas, and then i'll come to this blank box to type, or have a piece of paper to write on, and i can't seem to jot out one darn word.

so, i've been asking God about this - trying to figure out why i can't seem to do something i once found so simple.

'see, i lay in zion a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame.' romans 9:33

i think that pride was my stone that made me stumble.

for a while there, i started to get really into people telling me what a good writer i was. i thrived on those kind of complements. and then all of the sudden, those complements stopped coming. it started to feel like no one noticed, and i just got frustrated. rather, my pride took a beating.

because - in the beginning, i didn't even think i was a good writer. i would just put down what was on my mind, and if people wanted to read it - great. if not - no big deal, at least i said what i wanted to say.

and then i guess i got so used to people commenting and complementing, that when i stopped hearing feedback, i stopped writing as much.

my purpose in using a beautiful gift had been twisted to contort to pleasing my flesh. i no longer cared about writing for writing, i just saw it as another area i had let someone down in.

i guess since i was caught up more in my own self-gratification, i wasn't trusting in God.

it's why i was put to shame.