once again it all boils down to my inadequacy.
how can i petition God on behalf of someone else, when i haven't even dealt with myself?
how can i ask favors of someone i've shown no attention or kindness to for the last week?
i need a slap that will hurt - and all He's giving me is love. and all it does is sting.
because i can't just bask in it - i'm not there yet. i'm at that point where whatever will be good for my cuts, hurts and stings like none other.
gosh dang does it sting.
and i hate how it seems as if many of my dear friends are going through the exact load of crud. and not one of us can be entirely strong for the other - because we're all going through it.
how much does satan hate us? a lot.
and how much do i hate him for trying to make things like this? more.
but ... jud is right. God's going to do something with this.
everything just seems entirely too difficult right now.
i need some Jesus folks.
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