paul went to the hospital yesterday, and after two days of throwing up, four days of hell, and fifteen pounds shed, he's been labeled a diabetic.
i have a hard time watching him.
he's so numb to everything by now. they come in to give him shots, or shoot more into his iv. they come in to prick his finger or explain to him how hard it's going to be from here on out.
he doesn't move. he doesn't cringe. he just lays there.
a white haired lady was in to tell him about the woes of a diabetic and he looked over at me and just stared for a while. i smiled at him, trying to reassure both of us that it won't be that bad,
and i think that i did a terrible job of it.
he looked utterly defeated.
and i think while he has already numbed his physical body of most pains, he's still in the process of numbing his mind.
i do that a lot. numb my mind. when i don't want to think about something in specific, it's easy to numb it after a while. after it's been bothering you like the pricking of a needle.
but it can't stay numb forever.
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