"where did you come from?"

sometimes i wonder where things came from or how they got to the place they are.

when i lose my earring back and find it in the weirdest spot, how did it get there? i don't remember being there. how could my earring back have been?

has the squirrel in my back yard ever been in another state? has he just stuck to north carolina grounds because he doesn't know how to get anywhere else, or because he's scared to venture onto foreign lands?

when i see an old man at target, i wonder - how's his life been? what has he done? has he ever fought in the war? should i be thanking him for the contrubutations he's made toward the freedom of my life?

i think about my dad and mom. barely any of my friends know that my dad was an alcoholic and went to AA. barely anyone knows that my mom drank and smoke all the time.

i bet not a whole lot of people know that i love being alone. or that i miss my home a whole very lot. that i wish i would have never come here, but i'm very grateful that i ended up where i am. not alot of people know i have a fascination with the holocaust. or that i can't stand the sound of people chewing. some people don't know i love Jesus because i don't want to be the typical, blow-you-off kinda christian. i wanna be loved for who i am, not who i love.

how did i get here? why am i in north carolina? obviously it's not all about me. but i wish i knew why we came here. i wish there was a definite answer. but there isn't.

i'm reading this book titled, "the giver", by lois lowry. interesting concept. the society in the book is so very different. basically from age eight, on to the end of your eleventh year you do volunteer work. you give yourself to different causes so that the Committee may choose your purpose. when you turn twelve you are given your purpose in life.

i'm sixteen - i don't know my purpose. wish i did. making decisions would be a whole lot easier.

i'll find out eventually.