inadequacy

my feeling of inadequacy at this very moment in not comparable to that of anytime before.

inadequate in my worship. inadequate in my handling of situations. inadeqaute in my love, yearnings, experience, tolerance...

i worshipped last night. and i couldn't help but cry.

i don't usually cry - it takes alot for that to take place.

i cried last night because rachel was sitting next to me. rachel: one of my biggest heroes.

she has lost in the worst of ways. yet, she has gained, and let me gain in the best of them.

i sit next to her. i hear her sing. i see her cry out to Jesus.

and i think, who am i?

she's cheerful, kindhearted, sensitive, and inspiring...

i'm inadequate, awkward, undeserving, searching, insensitive, hanging, desperate, aspiring...

i strive for all things worthwhile, and end up with a pocket full of mumbles.

so, with tears down my face, i look up to find two people - around my age, strumming the guitar and loving Jesus.

i become inspired.
and want an even bigger heart for my generation, and passion for all things excellent.

it's there. before me. presented through a gathering in a tiny living room.

passion.