i'm there

growing up is weird and scary.

a week from today i'll be sixteen. that seems so young - but from the time i was twelve people have been saying, "four more years until you can drive!" it continued every year... thirteen, fourteen, fifteen - and now here i am. seven days away from approaching that ever so important year in my existence - and i don't feel much different.

however, there is a certain amount of significance in this year. this is the year of decisions. dual enrollment (college and highschool): awesome. class choosing: ugh.

i don't want to waste time and money on something that won't go towards the bettering and readying of myself for what i want to do for a career.

writing, photography, graphic design, photo-journalism - they're all on my list ... but what will it be? writing with a side of photography? i don't know.

a certain amount of pressure i feel. for *edit* i will be the second kid in my family to go straight from high school to college. i don't feel like they're all breathing down my back waiting for me to make a decision - and i certainly don't feel like my mom and dad are pressuring me to do anything other than what i want - but still. i just have this thing inside me that is saying everyone is going to watch eventually. and although i'm not a people-pleasing whacko - i want to make a privileged few say, "wow... cool". and out of all of these i want my dad to be happy with me. everyone searches for significance - and for some reason i've always wanted my dad to see me as the coolest person in the world.

i say all this to imply: i never thought i'd be here. at this stage in my life. i always thought something bad was going to happen and i wouldn't turn sixteen. i thought Jesus would come back and i'd still be the thirteen year old girl waiting to press the gas pedal of a car.but i'm there. nothing bad or tragic happened. Jesus hasn't come back - and i've driven all over the city.

take a deep breath - because i'm there.