sea analogies and things i don't know

this week i've felt itty bitty. my communication has been ineffective, my tears have been plenty, and my stress has been in the red zone on the light orange to maroon color scale. i was telling someone last night that the least dramatic communicating i feel like i've done all week has been with a 70+ year old man at the gym. i'm that crazy girl i hate.

meaning most of my days this week have been spent letting breaths out as deeply as i let them in all the while whispering reminders to myself to let go of the things i cannot control.

"this is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does." - romans 4:6

this verse has come in handy each time i've felt that monster i am too familiar with named "control" come up for air. i think it's funny that the word "simply" is before "embracing him [God] and what he does". when has sitting back and trusting God in his crazy process ever been simple?!

anne lamott said, "sad news. but when God is going to do wonders, he starts with a big problem. when he is going to blow your mind, he starts with an impossibility."

so i quickly shuffle through my catalog of problems & impossibilities vs. blowings of my mind & wonders and i realize they are tied. that is always how he works.

God so quickly jumps on the scaredy cat's boat. the worrier's boat. the unloved's boat. the orphan's boat. the cheater's boat. the jerk's boat. and he rocks it a lot a bit more and then says - if you're in, cool: i've always been in.

i love the misconception outside of christianity that believes once you say yes to the one who's said yes to you all along, that everything will be easy cheesy. because the people who believe that come in and get so confused, but they also learn pretty dang quick that believing in and trying to fall in love with someone you can't see is hard enough without thinking that same invisible person will make your life peaches.

so i'm interested to see him jump on some boats i can clearly see need a gigantic rocking. and then i'm excited to see what happens after that. but for now, i'll just keep taking super deep breaths and reminding myself that it's not my job to rock anyone's boat.