cruise director

something that i've always loved about my dad is that he appreciates a good struggle... he hates it, yet welcomes it because he knows that growth is only achieved through said conflict. when people were worried about craig and kara getting married while craig was in school and they were both broke he said, "good! so they struggle on their own or they struggle together! let them get married and let them grow!"

i too embrace this line of thinking. but maybe i wouldn't have pre-heartbreak of '09. maybe then i didn't throw my arms around the struggle bear because i kind of hated him. i didn't like the growth he posed and i certainly didn't appreciate the change that would come from his bringing struggle.

when i made the decision to move it was like i wanted jeanie to come in my bedroom with her weird sheer pink poof pants and blink to make me move within a month. but after listening to Wisdom (who ironically sounded exactly like my dad and craig!) decided it would be best to wait and save for a few more months. i was frustrated with this choice, even though i knew deep down that it was good. i felt like after everything, i deserved to just do something i wanted to for me. not for someone else. little did i see that waiting was for me. since then i've been really blessed to land an awesome job offer that will end at the perfect time and score me lots o' cash. in my struggle with patience i found faithfulness.

and in my struggle with pain i have found healing. there's a band i've been listening to over the past year called 'matrimony' and one of their songs says, 'navigate through your pain, or else you'll remain the same.'

this certainly has not been a process that i know how to handle. never done it before. i knew i didn't want to stay the same - so working through things was a painful and necessary process. but i feel like i have done the best job that i can trying to figure out what each day looks like for me. and sometimes those days have ended a little messy, but for the most part i go to sleep with a full heart. and for so long i've had to carry with me the knowledge that God is faithful and wants me happy and well. kind of chanting it like a mantra to help me go from my bed to the bathroom to the gym to my job to etc... without collapsing from frustration and fear. and now it's like an awesome reality that He is good and faithful and wants me happy and well.

life is good.