that girl!

through the years i've known my share of broken hearted fools
and those who couldn't choose a path worth taking
there's nothin' in the world so sad as talking to a man
who never knew his life was his for making

[r. lamontagne]

my friend and i were talking the other night and i said something along the lines of how crazy it was to have a wide open story waiting to be written only by myself. he said, 'shoot girl, your story was written before you were born... and the Lord is a pretty good writer.' love that guy.

i do believe that God writes beautiful stories for us. but they are like plans that we can choose whether or not to be apart of. sometimes, we don't choose his plan. sometimes we stray from it. and for a while, walking down the path that he didn't intend for us is fun and feels free and wonderful... but his desire is always for us to run back. and sometimes that path of walking away from his plan doesn't necessarily feel like you're deserting God. it feels like you're making good decisions and that everything is ok.

so this is where i get confused. when i start to make decisions for myself and base things off of sheer desire and peace - how do i know i'm not straying from the intentions of the beloved? i can say for sure that i'm awfully tired of learning things the hard way. but should i just settle for the fact that i might be that kind of person? the kind that just has to go through really crappy stuff in order to figure something out?

how am i ever supposed to know when i should stop waiting and start going? there's always reasons for both. i've never been able to throw much respect in the person's direction who sits around doing nothing, waiting for God to tell them something. but i also don't want to be the girl that abandons responsibility and chooses adventure over a life of stability and being audited...

alright you caught me, of course i want to be that girl.