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for a long time i've been wanting to be able to say that i was in love with Jesus. and honestly, this just has never been the case. i love him, and i truly do think he's awesome - but i just haven't ever been IN love with him. sure, from time to time i would feel really in love with him. but it wasn't the kind of "in love" i was when i was in a relationship - it was just a feeling. a feeling that sadly, passed.

i always wondered what it would feel like to be able to really, truthfully say that i was in love with the Lord. to sense a permanence in my infatuation with him, like i had apart from him. i wondered if it would feel like it does between a girl and a guy... i wondered if it would feel "holy" or something. i just wondered.

lately i've been starting to feel like i might be falling for Jesus.

the same kind of things are happening like in a boy/girl relationship. i don't want to go to sleep without spending time with him. i want to be better, knowing that he will be proud of me. i just ... want...

then a couple days ago i felt it for real. i was listening to this really awesome song by india arie called 'he heals me'. it is an amazing love song.

i know... when i hear the words 'love' and 'song' put together, they make me think of captain and tenille - wearing white nautical themed suits, on a yacht, snapping their fingers.

but india is the real deal. if you get a chance to listen to the song, do it. it's awesome. but anyways... i was listening to it, and for the first time while listening to a song about a man and woman - i thought about me and Jesus.

when i was going through my incredibly strange and uncalled for celine dion stage (ok, i'm still in it), my mom used to say, "this song would be so cool if she was singing about Jesus!" i always thought this was so cheesy. gees mom - can't you just think it's sweet and move on? or better yet, not really pay attention to the lyrics like jud used to always get so frustrated with me about when i would listen to rap music (hello run on sentence).

this was a big deal for me. listening to a love song and singing and thinking about the love story that is being written about me and the great inventor.

mm. mmhmm.