although i feel like i've found a wealth of knowledge and deep, thought provoking material to write about in just the little bit of brennan manning i've read... this! ohhh this time... i have found something truly special. this time in 'the ragamuffin gospel.'
page 113. second paragraph. second sentence.
'just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbelief, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of our craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances. trust at the mercy of the response it receives is a bogus trust.'
how sweet it is to be in relationship with someone who tells you what you probably don't want to hear, but definitely need to. this i have in that boyfriend of mine. he challenges me to do something with my realizations, pushes me to go further then i would on my own, and has that ability to give me a kick in the pants when necessary.
as we were talking last week about these trust issues i've been having - jud gave me one of those kicks. he pointed out different things that i couldn't have ever explained to anyone, and things that i hadn't even been aware of in my own heart. he read my mail.
it was hard for me to express fully what this meant to me ... i'm still processing all of it. it's hard to not fall back on the excuses i feel i have a right to... but then when i read this part on page 113, the words felt like they were mine.
the sun of my former unbelief has set, and the rising of the beautiful sun that holds the letting go of my cravings for spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances in its rays is rising.
rise sun, rise.
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