sing me awake in your love

change.

i don't like that word. i really, truly, do not like drastic changes. they disrupt my comfort, make me jump into strange situations, and no matter the change, i typically expect the worse.

it's obvious that God has been wanting to work on this aspect of me - as the last year of my life has included traveling to haiti, losing some of my closest friends, moving houses, no longer being able to go to the church i once loved, growing really close to some new people, finding a passion in my life, and running after it - even though it included school, which i hate...

every single one of these changes has affected my life in a huge way. some in awful ways that i wouldn't want any other person to experience, and some in ways that i love.

yesterday i was reminded of how important it is to live my life in the season that i am in. i have not been doing this, and as a result, i have missed out on the present.

i've been so focused on how alone i've felt from the abandonment of those i trusted deeply, that i have not given my attention to those that have stuck by me throughout the process. i have been so bummed about school and how long it will take to do what i want to do, that i sometimes forget what the heck i am even going to school for.

i have hated this time in my life, feeling that somehow this - the most difficult season i've ever been in- would be the season that never ended.

in the song "you're never giving up" but jonathan helser, his wife sings, "you're breaking off the disappointment of the seasons when i thought you left me."

God has not left me. he is in fact so here for me, and so in love with me, that i am being reminded of that presence and love despite the sadness i've been feeling over lost trust, lost community, or frustration...

so may you join me in learning how to live in - not for what you wish for, for what you regret, or for what you want so badly to change - but in the beautiful seasons God has created to change, and created for us.